Woman Finds Out Fiancé Has a Secret Child Days Before Their Wedding, Questions if He'll Abandon Their Family Too: ‘I feel like I'm in a nightmare’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 20, 2024 11:00 AM EDT

When will people learn that lying is a big no-no?

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  • Tying the knot is a big deal. You have to make sure Mr. Right is, in fact, Mr. Right. What red flags should we ladies look out for when we're looking to court a man to be our partner in life and love? Prioritize trust, loyalty, and honesty. Those are the three most important facets of any person and relationship because they lay the foundation for amicable problem-solving and argument diffusion. It's also nice to know you're entering a life-long partnership with someone who doesn't feel the need to hide things from you; no matter how difficult it may be at times, they promise to tell the truth.

    In this story's case, a significant piece of information had been left out of this woman's relationship, up until days before she was supposed to be wed. After a speech indicative of her fiancé having a prior engagement (unbeknownst to her), her fiancé drunkenly admits that he has been engaged before and also has a six-year-old daughter whom he's seen only once in his life. The wedding is paid for on both sides of the couple's family, but she is questioning if he would be a good father. She wants kids and he does as well, but under the guise of him wanting to be a “first-time father” with her. What would you do if you were in this situation?

  • 01
    AITA if I don't want to marry my lying fiance in a few days? The event is already paid for by our parents
    via MentionOk722
  • 02
    From the beginning we loved each other passionately. Everything was almost perfect until recently when i found oyt that my fiance had been hiding the fact that he has a child .l found out from his cousin who had too much to drink and decided to give a toast to our
    via MentionOk722
  • 03
    future marriage. His speech ended with some very clear hints that my fiance had been engaged before and has a daughter from that previous relationship.Later, my fiance confirmed that his drunk cousin had accidentally told the truth and that he has a 6yo daughter whom he's seen only once.
    via MentionOk722
  • 04
    Now I feel like I need time to process this information and I don't want to smile like a hypocrite at our wedding pretending everything is fine. Given how intense and pure our relationship felt I wouldn't have minded if he already had a daughter .We had planned to have a large family with lots of
    via MentionOk722
  • 05
    kids .. He was very excited and kept telling me how he couldn't wait for us to have our first child together. Now I realize that besides hiding the existence of his daughter he also lied when he said he wanted to be a father for the first time. What kind of father abandons his daughter? What kind of father will he be to our children?
    via MentionOk722
  • 06
    The event is already paid for, with financial contributions from both his parents and mine. I feel like I'm in a nightmare situation that I don't know how to escape. I'm afraid of disappointing those who love me and have done nothing wrong. I'm 90% decided to call off the wedding to give myself
    via MentionOk722
  • 07
    time to think about whether to continue this relationship, but I'm tormented by the thought that I'll be the in the eyes of everyone involved. , I'm crying like an idiot while writing this ...
    via MentionOk722
  • 08
    The_Goddess_Her... NTA • 1d ago You have just been blindsided and deserve time to process your feelings. If both sets of parents are reasonable you will not be the one that they are mad at for the wedding being called off or put on hold
    via The_Goddess_Herse1f
  • 09
    jnewton116 • 1d ago A cancelled wedding is a of a lot cheaper than a divorce.
    via jnewton116
  • 10
    Webinformal9558 1d ago • Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. The fact that you've already invested in this relationship/event doesn't mean that you should go forward with it. It may be that you can forgive him and move on, but that's a decision you should make in time once you sort out your feelings.
    via Webinformal9558
  • 11
    Opposite-Quantit... . 1d ago NTA but you will be if you marry him. This is huge. Your family will understand. Don't ruin your life over an expensive day. By the way the divorce you end up getting will be much more expensive than your wedding day I can guarantee that. Walk away....no. Run
    via Opposite-Quantity795
  • 12
    Listen_2learn • 1d ago I'm sorry this happened to you. Canceling the event is going. to give you the time you need to think about what you want. There may be even more problematic things that he has actively hidden from you and lied about- and you need him to be fully
    via Listen_2learn
  • 13
    transparent about everything before going forward. Frankly-canceling the wedding is prudent and could save even more money in lawyers fees for a divorce?! I hope your parents support your decision and that you know you deserve better. Good luck
    via Listen_2learn
  • 14
    nw826 • 23h ago NTA. Had he been honest from the get-go, this maybe wouldn't have been a dealbreaker (but that's a big maybe). Unless you are never planning to have kids, how he treats his first kid is an indicator of how he will treat your future kids. I wouldn't marry him either
    via nw826
  • 15
    clarabell1980 • 1d ago You would need some serious conversations about why he never told you and the circumstances surrounding why he doesn't see her and who made that decision. Do you think that's possible in a few days? Has he even gave you any of those answers yet?
    via clarabell1980
  • 16
    Specialist-Leek-... • 23h ago NTA, not only him, his family hid it from you, is that a family you want to be part of? talk to your parents and explain everything, they deserve to know why you won't get married, and they can help with explaining to the rest of the family. if your parents side with him, tell them to off.
    via Specialist-Leek-6927
  • 17
    Eggplant|||4927 • 23h ago Better a cancelled wedding than having to endure a divorce. If you can't won't shouldn't marry him you know what to do. Put money concerns away. You are more important than $$
    via EggplantIII4927
  • 18
    Global_Monk_57... 23h ago • NTA. Divorce is far more expensive. If he - and his family - have been able to lie about this so completely for all these years... what else has he lied about? The trust would be gone for me. He has shown he can lie to you, utterly and completely without remorse or hesitation. Don't marry this dude.
    via Global_Monk_5778
  • 19
    Aggressive-Coc... . • 23h ago Your parents wouldn't want you to marry him, even if they had already paid. His parents might be upset, but that's life. Call it off. NTA.
    via Aggressive-Coconut0
  • 20
    man1315 19h ago • His own parents kept his secret from you too so they shouldn't cry about absorbing their loss on the wedding. Your fiancé has some really questionable character issues and the main one is trust. That is very important to have in a marriage and without it your doomed.
    via ******man1315
  • 21
    Omdmartini 23h ago • Call your parents and talk with them. you should have done this first. That is a big omission, and you're correct in thinking what kind of person abandons a child and only met her once in all these years. Does he at least send child support payments?
    via mdmartini
  • 22
    BeautifulAnnaaa . 1d ago You're not the a**hole for considering calling off the wedding. You have every right to protect yourself and make decisions based on your own needs and values. While it might be difficult to disappoint others, it's important to prioritize your own happiness and long- term well-being.
    via BeautifulAnnaaa

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toxic-boyfriend Dating-Relationships boyfriend relationship advice marriage drama lies relationship-drama reddit story marriage-drama relationships sneaky wedding relationship feud Reddit hiding toxic relationship
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